a chimerical mind

In this mushy dorm room. 1.51 am. Saturday, February 6th 2009.

It’s a night with pouring rain.

it’s almost 6 months since i left Arnhem and i can’t help missing everything too much.

I miss the colors autumn leaves and the trees in November

I miss waking up in a grey winter day longing for spring to come

I miss the view from my big window while sipping my morning coffee and listening to Acid House Kings

I miss listening to my favourite songs on my ipod while waiting for bus nr.5 to take me to school

I miss sitting in the bus passing the central station, the city center, the parks, the long road of johan de witlaan.

I miss doodling through the lectures and classes in arnhem business school

I miss the never ending group project meetings

I miss bullshitting in the bus on the way home with zsazsa and jesh

I miss having to stop at the supermarket before we get home to buy groceries,

and stopping by at happydays to buy a bag of whitewidow

I miss entering the bergstraat 4.1 which always smells familiar

I miss falling myself back on the couch in the living room and stare blankly at the tv screen for a few minutes every time i got home

I miss grabbing our round tray and start grinding, rolling, burning one down,and puff puff pass..

I miss having to force myself to grab the laundry and wash them with my own hands because we didnt have washing machine..

I miss the pleasure of taking hot shower with stoney eyes.

I miss the smell of my favourite body butter while drying my hair

I miss drinking warm milk with sugar and cinnamon with cookies.

I miss staying up late working on assignments or just fooling around..

I miss thursday nights in the korenmarkt with my bestfriends..

I miss walking back home drunk from korenmarkt together

I miss the smokes in the cavern and how difficult it was to get upstairs to the restroom and get back down to the bar again without losing balance

I miss going home after party and rolling another one, another puff puff pass in the living room and bullshitting until dawn

I miss waking up in the morning after party, hangover, looking forward to grab the camera and check out the party pictures to put up the missing pieces together while rolling another one..

I miss editing pictures while hangover and stoned and posting them to facebook on fridays

I miss drinking orange strawberry juice from albertheijn..

I miss cleaning up my room on sundays..or cleaning up the house together while whining why our house was such a mess

I miss staring at our walls which full of stolen posters from the bars

I miss opening up the empty fridge, toasting a bread with jonge belegen, or just take a spoonful of jam.

I miss the warmth of the heater in my room

I miss having people coming over and chill all night in our living room

I miss sitting by the window of our living room looking at the people waiting for the bus in the central station across our place

I miss copying cici’s music and the excitement to listen to them on my ipod

I miss walking home from work, tired but happy with another accomplishment

I miss the terrific feeling of spring days..

I miss sitting outside or take a walk around the city center on spring days even though its sometimes still too chilly to do so..

I miss a random city center walk and go back home buying something unnecessary

I miss sitting by the Rhein river for a while after a tiring long walk around the city center

I miss going to the cafe of modern art museum and spending hours and hours there

I miss enjoying white widow at the grafitti garden with zsazsa and jesh

I miss going to pilates every tuesday night or thursday morning and the wonderful feeling after that

I miss the fresh air of presikhaaf when i walk down there..

I miss having to go to honigkamp once in a while and having the memories from my 1st year in arnhem living there back again

I miss long summer days in arnhem with white widow and wine in sonsbeek park..

I miss warm summer nights drinking and bar hopping in korenmarkt with friends

I miss having lack of sleep, busy as hell, but happy as i can be..

I miss myself back then..

I miss everything, everybody, every place, every tree, every second in Arnhem…

Wilmington, North Carolina, USA. February 6th 2010 -  3 months to go before I’m going back home to Arnhem.

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It’s just my fate that I’ve met so many random and diverse people who care,

about such an absurd universe we must dare.

I’ve never known that inspiration can be endless and anywhere…

And this time I’m not high as fcuk like I used to coz white widow here is just so rare..

I’m high on my own thoughts as now I realize that life is not always fair,

but it’s such a relief to know that happiness is not that difficult to find coz it’s..everywhere..

my chimerical bedroom in the island - 10.04 pm, Sept 13th 20009

chimerical miami morning sky at the south beach..

dedicated for my zsazsa, cici, tony, darmo, ninda, mia, mom, dad, angga, and my other loves all around the world

waiting in the waiting room of U.S consulate can be inspiring as well.

the art of letting go